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Who Swings?
It is fast becoming easier to answer
"Who doesn't swing?"
In the late 1970,s researches
questioned thousands of adults in the UK, and found
that roughly 1 in 10 couples were involved, or
wanted to become involved in swinging.
In 2005 researchers asked the same
questions, and found that the number of people
either involved, or trying to become involved in
swinging had risen to 25%.
The main definitions of Swingers are
people who;
-
enjoy having sex with other
people as well as, and usually along with, their regular
partner .
-
enjoy watching their partner
have sex with someone else (better known as a
voyeur).
-
enjoy sharing their fantasies
with their partner and other people.
-
enjoy having sex with lots of
people (greedy girls such as JoJo of
www.gojojogo.com).
-
enjoy going to swingers parties,
hundreds of which are held every day, have a
look at
www.clubsandParties.com for one of the most
complete listings on the web.
The main criteria for being a
swinger is that you are open and honest with
yourself, your regular partner and the people you
meet.
Exactly Who Swings?
Anyone and everyone can be a swinger.
Swingers are not defined by social class or religion,
nor by age, as long as they are over the legal age of
consent. (In most countries this is either 18 or 21.
However in some countries the age of consent is lower,
most genuine swingers, and all swingers clubs and
parties still keep to the "no under 18īs" rule)
Most swingers do not discriminate
against others on grounds of age, colour, religion or
class. However everyone has the right to choose who they
do not play with, as if there is no attraction there
will be no enjoyment.
Swinging Couples.
Many couples enjoy fantasizing about
having sex with other people, more and more of these
people are deciding to make these fantasies become a
reality, which is great news for the people already
in the scene, as we always enjoy having new people
come and join us. There are of course pitfalls and
there are several things you should consider before
you come and join in the fun.
Don't push or pull your partner into
the scene.
Talk about your fantasies in the
cold light of day, if you both want to make them
become a reality, then start making contact with
people. If either one of you is not ready,
STOP.
Dragging a reluctant partner to
meet another couple, or taking them to a party
is not going to make them change their minds.
There is a very high risk that it will lead to
the end of your relationship with each other.
Decide what your boundaries are.
Don't go along to your first
meeting or party without making sure you have
agreed on what you are happy doing, what you are
happy for your partner to do, and what area's
are no go zones.
For example, maybe you agree
that on your first meeting you will be happy for
both of you to get involved in everything except
full intercourse, as long as you both know what
the boundaries are, and you have told the people
you are meeting what they are you will have no
problems as long as you stick to them.
When you get home that night,
talk about the experience, be it good or bad,
make sure you were both OK with it, and that you
both want to move forward, or you want to stop.
If you are happy and want to
move forward, decide what changes, if any, you
want to make to the rules under which you both
play. Never step outside your boundaries without
agreement, don't try to modify the boundaries on
the evening, always start the evening knowing
exactly what is and is not allowed.
I have seen people get divorced
because they did not keep to their agreements.
Never fall in love!
Swinging is about having fun
with other people. Most of these people are in
happy relationships and are looking for sex, not
love. Declaring your love for someone is going
to complicate the issues, and put strains on
everyone's relationships, you could even destroy
the other persons marriage.
If you are looking for love
check one of the many lonely hearts sites.
First steps
Decide on which fantasy you want
to fulfil first - meet a couple, meet a single
guy, meet a single girl or go to a party.
Each of the above has a
different degree of difficulty, I will now list
them in ease of arranging
This is by far the easiest
meeting for a couple to arrange. There are a
huge number of single guys who are happy to be
in a three some situation. There are several
ways to meet a single guy, the most reliable are
to browse the men seeking couples ads, or to
place your own ad. If you place an ad make sure
you explain the type of person you are looking
for, your boundaries, where you are, where you
can travel, if you want to meet at their
location, your location or a neutral place.
Couples placing an ad to meet a
single guy on a reputable swingers site can
expect up to 400 responses a day! of course most
of these will be people who do not meet what you
are looking for. You will need to put aside time
to respond to the emails, even if just to say
sorry, no thanks.
There are many parties held
every weekend in most large towns and cities,
swingers clubs are often open 6 or 7 nights a
week.
Before you go to a party or to a
club, read all the information you can about the
event to ensure that they cater for new comers,
or for your tastes. Some venues have different
kinds of parties on different nights, so make
sure you are aware of the type of party you will
be going to.
-
Couples only - pretty self
explanatory, there will only be other
couples at the party. (many "couples only"
parties also allow single ladies to attend)
-
Couples and singles -
usually a few couples and many single guys,
occasionally a few single girls.
-
Greedy girls - up to about 6
girls and as many as 75 men.
-
Spa's - much like greedy
girls parties, though most have a couples
only area where you can get some respite.
Party and club etiquette is that
if you say "No" to someone they must leave you
alone. If they do not, complain to the
management.
This option is almost as easy,
but you now have 4 people, all of whom will have
to be happy with the other pair, be patient and
look for people you are both happy with. Expect
some knock backs, just because you fancy a
couple, and each other, it does not follow that
the couple will fancy both of you!
After you have made contact via
email, and it looks as though the four of you
may have enough in common to meet. Arrange to
talk on the phone. This is an important step, as
you will need to weed out single guys pretending
to be couples and husbands (and occasionally
wives) who are trying to pull their partner
along by making arrangements. When you make the
arrangement use a mobile number, or you could
end up with unwanted calls to your home number.
You must make sure that all 4 of you talk, do
not accept excuses that the partner is late home
from work, putting the kids to bed, nursing a
dying mother or shagging the local football
team, if you cannot talk to them, they probably
do not exist, or are not aware of the situation.
By far the most difficult to
achieve. There are many single girls in the
scene, but as they are more fussy than single
males, they tend to be more elusive and
exclusive. Many are in long tem friendships with
couples. It is not uncommon for couples to
search for years without finding a single girl
to join them.
You and your partner both find
each other attractive, but not everyone else
will, single girls will be more choosy and will
need to find both of you attractive.
Whoever you are going to meet
remember that although its scary, the other people
will be as nervous as you. Don't get drunk or
drugged up. No once fancies people who are not in
control of their faculties. A drink to steady the
nerves is OK, bouncing off the walls and throwing up
is not going to impress anyone.
Single Ladies
Welcome, you are the most sought
after category in the scene!
You can afford to be choosy, and
pick the person or people you want to play with.
If you advertise on an internet
site you will probably be hit with over 400
emails a day, so be prepared to do a lot of
reading. When you place your ad explain exactly
what you are looking for, even eye/hair colour,
some guys do read the ads before responding, but
many just send a standard response to every girl
and couple who advertise in the hope that
someone somewhere will want them. If you are
happy to respond to all the emails say so in the
ad, if you will not be responding to some people
- those with no photo, those who have brown eyes
when you asked for blue etc. - say so in the
ad.
Be honest, and keep to your
word. Describe yourself accurately. If you are a
size 16, say so, don't pretend that you are a
size 12-14. Guys are not quite so stupid that on
meeting you they will not realize. You will also
find that there is a big demand for larger
girls.
If you say in your ad that all
emails will be answered, answer them, even if
just a "no thanks, not this time", many of the
sites such as
www.dirty-david.com have a pre written
email, and you simply have to click "no thanks"
if you decide you do not want to meet a person.
If you do find someone you want
to meet make sure you do so in a safe
environment, not at that persons house. Meet in
a pub, hotel lounge or swingers club, make sure
you are happy with them in a social setting
before making arrangements to meet them in
private. If they say they are a couple talk to
both people on their telephone, make a note of
their number - you must make sure that you talk
to both of them, do not accept excuses that the
partner is late home from work, putting the kids
to bed, nursing a dying mother or shagging the
local football team, if you cannot talk to them,
they probably do not exist, or are not aware of
the situation.
When you leave home make sure
someone knows where you are going, leave a
sealed envelope to be opened if you do not ring
in by a certain time, in it put the email
addresses, telephone number and location of the
meeting, its better to be safe and embarrassed
than dead.
Whoever you are going to meet
remember that although its scary, the other
people will be as nervous as you. Don't get
drunk or drugged up. No once fancies people who
are not in control of their faculties. A drink
to steady the nerves is OK, bouncing off the
walls and throwing up is not going to impress
anyone.
Single males
Guys you have the hardest
struggle of all. There are thousands of you all
wanting to get involved in the swinging scene,
most it must be said simply because its the
easiest way to get sex without getting a
mortgage, kids and an overdraft!, many due to
broken marriages or relationships, but sadly
there also many miss-fits; like the guys who
have no social graces and are therefore unable
to make friends through work or social
gatherings, those who see themselves as gods
gift to women, and as a result no woman wants to
know them, and sadly the ones who have odour
problems.
You will have to make a lot of
effort to be picked by a couple or a lady.
Things that may help you.
-
Honesty - don't exaggerate
your looks, ability, wealth etc. If you are
30 say 30, if 50 say 50. Ladies are more
interested in the real you than an age, but
if they catch you lying about one thing,
they will not trust you on anything else! If
you are a married male or a "significant
other" playing away from home, say so,
pretending to be single but sneaking off to
make phone calls, or having to rush off to
beat a curfew is not going to fool anyone
for very long.
-
Relevancy - If you respond
to an ad, make sure you are what the
advertiser is looking for. Don't respond to
an ad asking for a 20 something green eyed,
blonde male if you are 45, grey hair and
brown eyes - you will just frustrate the
advertiser by clogging up their mail box.
-
Concise - Make your email
response concise, but not a one line "I want
to shag you" Make sure that you fit the
description of the person the advertiser is
looking for, and reiterate the points where
you fit the description. Don't send them a
2000 word essay outlining your every fantasy
and experience to date, you can go into
these details later. Remember first
impressions count, be polite, open, and to
the point without being blunt.
-
Grooming - If you get lucky
and are invited to meet socially turn up
smart. An unshaven, guy in crumpled clothes
and smelling of sweat will not get you into
their bedroom - unless the girl has
specified that she is looking for a bit of
rough. On the other hand, don't wear a
bottle of aftershave!. Dress appropriately
for the venue, smart casual - clean and
pressed clothes - will see you through in
most venues. Remember to shower, clean your
teeth and brush your hair.
-
Pictures - If you are
sending a picture, or putting a picture on
your ad follow a few simple rules.
-
Unless requested, always
send a face & body shot, don't use cock
shots, girls look at eyes, hands, bums,
legs and hair before they look at cocks.
It may be your pride and joy, but it is
more likely to lose you responses than
gain them for you. If they do want to
see your 9" monster they will ask.
-
Use a recent picture,
you can fool someone until you meet
them. Just because you get them to meet
you does not mean you will get any
further if the picture was of someone
else, or you 10 years ago.
-
Put your email address
or profile name across the centre of the
picture, this is to stop photo
collectors, and to enable people to
remember which photo goes with which
email.
-
Make the picture about
600 X 600 pixels, no more than 96dpi and
a .jpg this will send through the emails
quickly, and not take up all the persons
hard disk space. I know 3 couples who
delete any email where the picture is
more than 250k.
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Couples - as a single male
you are more likely to get action with a
couple, than you are with a single girl.
Don't worry, you will find that most of the
guys in couples are straight, but they love
to watch their wife with another guy/guys.
You just clarify before the meet that a)
there is a couple by talking on the
telephone and b) asking outright if the guy
is straight.
-
Parties - There are parties
running every weekend. Most are for couples
only, some are for couples and guys or
greedy girls and guys. It is a sad fact of
life that 90% of the time you will be
charged more as a single guy than the
couples or girls will pay, this is down to
supply and demand. Do not go to these
parties looking for a one on one session
with a girl, it is just not going to happen.
If however you follow the rules of
etiquette, you are almost guaranteed sex, as
the girls who attend these parties like to
have lots of men. You will find that most
often it is the clubs that cater for single
men rather than parties held by swingers in
their homes. Before you go to a party make
sure you read the etiquette section on this
site.
click here to see the etiquette section.
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Single girls - If you see an
ad from a single girl, read it carefully. If
it looks to good to be true, it probably is.
Lots of girls are actually guys advertising
trying to collect your pictures (see info
about pictures above), others may be escorts
trying to get you to call them, and of
course some of them are real - JoJo of
is genuine and Janey of
is genuine. if they
advertise, they are looking for what they
say in their ad.
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Sobriety - Don't get drunk,
or try kissing the girl if you are stinking
of beer. Take some breath fresh mints with
you. Remember, although the girl is looking
for some fun in the sack, she has many other
guys to choose from. Whoever you are going
to meet remember that although its scary,
the other people will be as nervous as you.
Don't get drugged up either. No once fancies
people who are not in control of their
faculties. A drink to steady the nerves is
OK, bouncing off the walls and throwing up
is not going to impress anyone.
-
Grace - If you respond to an
ad and you get a turn down, don't harass the
advertiser. Be graceful and accept that you
may not fit the persons requirements.
Sending dozens of mails asking for reasons
or being abusive will not get you anywhere,
and in many cases will mean that a warning
goes around the community to avoid you.
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Love - Never fall in love
with a swinger. Swinging is about having fun
with other people. Most of these people are
in happy relationships and are looking for
sex, not love. Declaring your love for
someone is going to complicate the issues,
and put strains on everyone's relationships,
you could even destroy the other persons
marriage.
If you are looking for love
check one of the many lonely hearts sites.
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First Date - Turn Up, On
time, remember - You only have one chance to
make a first impression - screw up the first
meeting and you are history. You will be
seen a as timewaster, and couples talk. If
you make a good impression they will
probably meet you again, they may share you
with their friends, and take you to parties.
Make a bad impression and the word will go
around that you are no good, your chances of
swinging will drop to zero. The swinging
scene does not work on the adage "Treat 'em
mean, keep 'em keen".
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